cindyliria (cindyliria) wrote,

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I was a little upset at Van last night for not calling me when he went out with the guys. He told me he was going out, but he didn't bother to call while he was out. Is that a bit harsh for me to expect? I'd just like to know when he's out and when he's going to come home. It's annoying when he doesn't call. Is that because, although I can't control his going out, I'd like to at least still have some bit of control over him? Hm. Shoot, what am I on? I can't even control that, so what's the biggie? Let it go. I need to just chill. So what if Van takes advantage of the situation or takes it for granted that I'm so cool. I'm not. But what can I do? Just chill and do what makes me happy. That's all there is to it. I thought I was done expecting things from Van. It ain't going to happen. Whatever it is I want/need, it aint' gonna happen. And when/if it does, then I should just be happy that I get that. Like the flowers. Very nice surprise.
And if there's something that I do want or need, I have to tell him ahead of time. NO MORE Mother-in-laws taking care of me post-pregnancy.
I swear, I don't speak up, and then things happen, and I get PISSED.
Well, if we ever decide to have another baby, then there will be rules. And if he doesn't meet my needs, I'm just going to give him hell. I'm not going to be unreasonable. Just no in-laws, no going out with the boys all hours of the night (or day). I need him home to take care of me. If I'm suffering, then he can too. He should not be out having a blast while I'm at home dying. That's pretty insensitive. There will be other events that he can go to.
God. Sometimes Van is such a frickin' ignorant arse.
I'm just a little peeved, looking back on things.
But I will say that there are good sides to him too.
1. He's okay with me staying at home to take care of the girls.
2. He lets me spend as frivilously as I want. He doesn't hold me back from buying things.
3. He encourages me to have friends and to do whatever I want to make myself happy. (But that may be because he doesn't want to have to be the one to make me happy or be bothered. Hmph.
4. He thinks I'm smart. And I think he might think I'm pretty too. I'm not sure about that one, sometimes.
5. He's really good to his friends. He's generous.

Should I list the things that I don't like about him?
Hm... let's not. I might be here for another hour.
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