I had a really disturbingly good dream last night. Amdist all the action (running from mobsters, etc.), I found myself crawling into a cave and emerged on the other side to find a monk. He turned around, and it was Matt. (Okay, so I'm thinking that he must mean more to me than I would like to admit - if he keeps showing up in my dreams and thoughts. Even though those thoughts are usually negative. The dreams have progressively gotten better, though.) I ran up to him and hugged him. He was surprised, but happy to see me. He was so attractive, in that he had this peaceful aura about him. And he put on about 10lbs. Monkdom did him good. As I hugged him, I was inhaling the scent of him, and I just wanted to hold on. There was a point where I ended hugging him again, and I was thinking how good he felt and smelled... and what if I slept with him? (A monk!) But then Van would find out. The truth always comes out. The funny thing is, he felt and smelled the way Van felt when I first got back with him. So could it be Van in disguise? I've never felt that way in anyone's arms other than Van's. Or... am I just justifying the good feeling because I feel guilty for feeling that way towards someone other than Van?t night.